Let Us Learn Too: Hayley Harding on accountability, policy and SEND Tribunals

Welcome back to the start of a school year, which will mean different things for different families. Today we're featuring an interview with co-founder of Let Us Learn Too - Hayley Harding. Let Us Learn Too is a campaign by parents and carers of disabled children to stop the fight families face trying to get their children access to education. It's known for pairing rigorous national data analysis with the lived reality of families navigating a system that too often puts barriers in their way. Through Let Us Learn Too, Hayley exposes the widening gap between what the law promises and what children actually receive, from chronic underfunding and weak accountability to the cultural failures that leave parents feeling dismissed or blamed. All themes SOS!SEN sees time and time again with the families we support.

Thank you Hayley for your time; it was wonderful to chat and to see how SOS!SEN's work intertwines with your own.

Let Us Learn Too often exposes the gap between what the law requires and what families actually experience. Why do you think this gap persists, and what structural changes are needed to close it?

I think there are three main reasons.

First, mainstream SEND funding has never kept pace with inflation or rising levels of need since the current system was introduced in 2014. As a result, schools simply cannot provide the level of support they once could. Families are increasingly forced into seeking an EHCP for support that should be available without one, which was never the intention of the legislation. This has to change and I’ve been pleased to see some of the proposals that are looking to address this. 

Second, many local authorities have failed to plan strategically. Rather than creating sufficient specialist provision and investing in inclusive mainstream support, they have relied on short-term decisions. That leaves families with little option but to appeal to the Tribunal to secure an appropriate placement, often in an independent specialist school at far greater cost. It creates a cycle that is financially and practically unsustainable. 

Third, there has been a cultural failure. Instead of being honest with the government about the fact that funding and processes were no longer working, too many local authorities have spent the last decade restricting access to support and placing unnecessary barriers in front of disabled children and their families. This feels cowardly and is the part I find hardest to understand. If I were expected to repeatedly deny disabled children the support they needed simply to save money, I couldn't do that job.

You analyse national SEND data in depth. What trends or patterns worry you most right now, and what do they reveal about the state of SEND provision in England?

The most concerning trend is the sheer volume of SEND Tribunal appeals. The Tribunal should be a safeguard when things go wrong, not a routine part of accessing support. Increasingly, it feels as though families have to plan for an appeal from the very beginning because they expect the right decision won't be made first time.

Many families describe feeling gaslit or dismissed by professionals. From your perspective, what forms of institutional bias or narrative-shaping most harm parents seeking support?

Unfortunately, this is something I’ve heard repeatedly and experienced myself. There remains an underlying assumption in some parts of the system that parents asking for support are being unreasonable or asking for too much, when in reality most are simply asking for the help their child needs to access education.

I also think there is a lack of understanding about the impact of the educational environment itself, particularly for neurodivergent children. EHCPs tend to focus on therapies and direct interventions, but often overlook how factors such as noise, class size, sensory demands, transitions and the overall school environment affect a child's ability to learn. If we don't recognise the impact of the setting, we're only addressing part of the problem.

Your work often challenges the idea that SEND failures are caused by 'parental behaviour'. How can we shift public and professional narratives away from parent-blaming and towards evidence-based accountability?

We need to continue being constructive, evidence-led and solutions-focused. Lasting change comes from presenting clear evidence of what's happening, explaining why it's happening, and offering practical solutions.

Parents simply want their child to be happy, safe and able to attend school. By continuing to highlight the evidence and the real-life consequences when systems fail, it becomes increasingly difficult for decision-makers to ignore the need for change.

What does a lawful, child-centred EHCP process actually look like, and how far are we from achieving that in practice across local authorities?

Unfortunately, we're still a long way from a genuinely child-centred process.

Too often, EHCPs are written by people who have never met the child they are making life-changing decisions about. A truly child-centred process means understanding the child as an individual, not simply completing paperwork.

Parents also need to be involved at every stage of decision-making. One of the reasons I highlighted Ontario's approach to Helen Hayes when she was Shadow Education Minister was because parents are included throughout the process, including panel discussions there. That transparency builds trust and ensures decisions are based on accurate information rather than assumptions. If we genuinely want a child-centred system, parents must be recognised as equal partners throughout.

If you could redesign the SEND system from the ground up, what three changes would have the biggest impact on fairness, legality and children's long-term wellbeing?

The first would be meaningful accountability. At the moment, accountability is simply too weak. When I began campaigning in Sutton in 2020, we repeatedly showed the local authority where it was failing, yet very little changed because there were no meaningful consequences for failing to comply with the law. Without proper accountability, reform will always be limited.

The second would be ensuring that children receive effective support before an EHCP is needed. Strengthening ordinarily available provision in schools, backed by sustainable funding, would transform outcomes for thousands of children through earlier intervention and reduce unnecessary demand for statutory plans.

The third is for fairness. A child's future should never depend on how confident, knowledgeable or persistent their parents are. I would extend the right to challenge decisions beyond parents. Teachers and social workers, who know the child well and have professional responsibility for their education and wellbeing, should also be able to appeal decisions where they believe a child's needs are not being met and an LA has incorrectly refused support. 

What do you wish every parent knew before entering the EHCP process?

That you are not alone.

The process is long, exhausting and often overwhelming, but there are thousands of parents who have been through exactly the same experience and many are willing to help others. There is support available, and there are organisations like yourselves and communities that genuinely understand what you're going through.

Be persistent, take things one step at a time, and don't be afraid to ask for help. It can feel impossible at times, but many families do get through the process successfully.

How can charities like SOS!SEN and initiatives like Let Us Learn Too work together to amplify lawful practice and challenge misinformation?

By working together constructively. It's important that we continue to challenge government where necessary, but it's equally important that we engage whenever opportunities arise to help shape policy. When they invite us in we have to accept. 

Organisations like SOS!SEN bring exceptional legal expertise and direct support for families, while Let Us Learn Too focuses on evidence, policy and systemic change. Together, we can combine frontline experience with national campaigning to promote lawful practice, challenge misinformation and ensure the voices of families are heard where decisions are actually being made.

Dear Secretary of State for Education, Lucy Powell: an Open Letter from Special Needs Jungle and SOS! Special Educational Needs

It's the height of summer and SEND parents and families have already been faced with a lot of promises and firm statements from the new government that has come into place. Our Legal Advisor, Eleanor Wright, states: 

"Cautiously, we welcome proposals which, on the face of it, can help all school pupils to reach their full potential and which give value to technical and vocational skills as well as academic qualifications. It will be important to be able to put in place from the beginning high teaching standards for such skills, including full training in meeting the needs of pupils with special educational needs and disabilities. Obviously a great deal depends on the detail of how this will be achieved, and we look forward to seeing that. We are not however convinced of the merits of tailoring what is offered in schools to local business requirements, given today's high levels of mobility.

We also welcome the fact that the Prime Minister proposes to address the issue of young people not in education, employment or training, and hope that this will include the problem of young people with SEND who may be driven out of education and training by lack of suitable provision able to meet their needs and local authorities who are reluctant to fund this.

However, we are concerned that the Prime Minister has not addressed the very serious and widespread concern that exists about the current proposals for reforming the SEND system, particularly their proposed removal of valuable tribunal rights and their serious lack of accountability. We hope that he and Lucy Powell, the new Secretary of State for Education, will deal with this as a matter of urgency."

Together, with the team at Special Needs Jungle, Eleanor and SOS!SEN's CEO, Richard Orchard-Rowe, have recently written a joint letter to the new Secretary of State for Education, Lucy Powell, to ask for a meeting. We wanted to share it with you today to show that the charity always works to represent and advocate for all SEND families.

Dear Ms Powell,

Firstly, congratulations on your new position as Secretary of State of Education, we hope you are settling in well. You arrive at a crucial time, as important changes are under consideration for the future of special educational needs provision.

We are writing from both Special Needs Jungle Ltd, a volunteer-parent-led, SEND advocacy website and SOS!SEN, a charity that supports families with the law as they navigate the SEND system. We are both long-standing organisations, and are founder members of the Save Our Children’s Rights campaign.

The campaign was created as now-justified fears grew of plans to remove or dilute rights created in the Children and Families Act 2014, co-produced legislation that was designed to place children with SEND and their families at the heart of the process.

Unfortunately, due to implementation and funding deficiencies, this well-constructed Act has never been given a chance to do what it set out to achieve. The legislation itself is sound, but it coincided with austerity and massive funding cuts that have, over the years, created more unmet needs in children, and led to extraordinary amounts of unlawful behaviour by local authorities.

This behaviour, the very least of which is routinely refusing assessments of need, means that the most vulnerable families, who do not feel able to appeal, are the least likely to get support. At its worst, this persistent, deliberately unlawful decision-making, has led to young people taking their own lives through lack of support.

This behaviour has been documented by accountability group Measure What Matters, working with MP Chris Coghlan, and includes council whistle-blowers and almost 2000 cases of evidence of councils’ misfeasance and misconduct. This must not be overlooked.

The removal and dilution of disabled children’s rights

We, along with most families, and much of the education sector, are deeply unhappy with the current SEND and EOTAS proposals, which will remove vital rights for disabled children and hand more power to those committing misconduct.

The proposals that have, and are still being, consulted upon, will remove rights to appeal bad decision-making, instead handing unchecked power to councils to decide the futures of disabled children they have never met.

The reforms are being sold as being “the greatest expansion of rights in a generation”. In fact, the new right to an Independent Support Plan (ISP) is an empty vessel, containing no guarantees of provision and no right to appeal, only to complain to volunteer school governors. There is much more to it than this, but suffice it to say that families are overwhelmingly opposed to these evidence-light proposals that we know will harm children’s education and wellbeing.

Public body accountability must include misconduct in SEND

In light of the anticipated passing of the Hillsborough Law, it is astonishing to us that in SEND, not only are public bodies not being held properly to account, they will be given more power to do even greater damage, while stripping away the only way families can get the vital legal redress, accountability and the provision their children deserve.

While it is true the Tribunal will still exist, it will be in a much diminished state including:

• no longer any right to appeal the provision a council decides a child can have, only how the council has “categorised” them
• no longer any right to appeal the setting a local authority decides on
• no longer any right to appeal a refusal for out-of-school support for children left traumatised and suicidal by unsuitable educational settings
• proposals for all children asking for EOTAS to have a named school which will decide if the child whom it does not know can have any EOTAS at all, potentially forcing them back into a school environment where they cannot thrive
• children pushed in and out of potentially unsuitable mainstream “inclusion bases” without any individualised assessment of need, if they don’t fit the mainstream learning environment

Vital voices dismissed

While there has been engagement, our voices - those of highly-experienced parent carers, SEND legal charities, and educators specifically opposed to the legal proposals - have simply been dismissed. Our issues with the plans have not been addressed honestly and direct questions have been met with obfuscation or just silence.

Meanwhile, moves towards implementing the proposals are not waiting even for the consultation response to be published. Additionally, the way the DfE media operation has consistently deleted and closed critical comments on its expensive SEND proposals social media posts is disgraceful.

Don’t get us wrong, we are definitely in favour of better inclusion in mainstream (and in a more accessible society generally), but there is no need at all to reduce the law to do this.

You agreed the SEND reforms were the right ones

When you were a member of the Education Select Committee, you produced the SEND Inquiry report in 2019, saying:

“We are confident that the 2014 reforms were the right ones. We believe that if the challenges within the system - including finance - are addressed, local authorities will be able to discharge their duties sufficiently.” (Paragraph 17)

“⁠We recommend that when the Government makes changes to address these challenges, it should avoid the temptation to address the problems within the system by weakening or watering down duties or making fundamental changes to the law.” (Paragraph 18)

Yet, this is exactly what your new Department is doing.

Nothing has changed materially since the inquiry; council behaviour has just become more egregious, as outlined in Helen Hayes’ 2025 SEND Inquiry, which echoed that of your own in 2019.

Special Needs Jungle and SOS!SEN would really welcome a chance to meet with you to discuss our grave and urgent concerns. It is vital that the Government takes families with them but - despite what you may have been told - it is not doing so and we are desperately worried that disabled children will pay the price.

Sincerely,

Special Needs Jungle Co-Directors: Tania Tirraoro, Renata Watts, Gillian Doherty, Dr Sharon Smith

SOS!SEN CEO: Richard Orchard Rowe, Legal Officer: Eleanor Wright

Autism and Education Consultant, Laura Kerbey, speaks with SOS!SEN about common mistakes supporting PDA children and an education that celebrates our differences

In our July blog post we’re delighted to welcome Laura Kerbey, an Autism and Education Consultant, trainer and author with more than 21 years’ experience supporting autistic children and young people. Laura began her career teaching in a mainstream college’s Supported Learning Department before moving into roles supporting young people with complex physical disabilities. She specialised in autism in 2002, later becoming Assistant Head and then Head Teacher at an independent special school. Laura is the author of several books, including The Educator’s Experience of PDA, The Teen's Guide to PDA and The Slightly Distracted Women's Guide to Living with an Adult ADHD Diagnosis (see all books here). Laura is also the founder of Positive Assessments Support and Training as well as co‑founder of KITE Therapeutic Learning Services, which provides bespoke therapeutic learning for children unable to attend school due to high anxiety or other needs.

Alongside her work with families, Laura advises schools, colleges and universities as an independent consultant, delivering widely recognised autism and PDA training. She has spoken internationally, including at the first‑ever PDA conference in the United States, and has previously presented at an SOS!SEN conference too. Laura brings deep professional expertise as well as lived experience: she is neurodivergent herself, diagnosed with ADHD in her forties, and is a parent to two neurodivergent sons. Thank you, Laura.

How can parents distinguish between “won’t” and “can’t” when it comes to behaviour, demand-avoidance, or school refusal? 

I think remembering “Can’t not Won’t” is one of the most important mindsets to have when parenting a demand avoidant child. To be honest you won’t always be able to distinguish between the two, but approaching everything with this mindset will ensure that parents meet their child’s needs with compassion and empathy. We need to look beneath the surface of all of the above, for example, if a child is struggling to go into school we need to ask questions like, “Do they have a safe space and a safe person they can access during times of anxiety?” And when demands are hard for a child at home we need to ask ourselves, “how full is their anxiety bucket?” or “what is this like from a sensory perspective? Is it that they cannot clean their teeth because they actually find the sensation of doing this too uncomfortable?

What do you wish every parent knew about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), anxiety‑driven behaviours, and the nervous system?

It is not a choice and often children with a PDA profile actually really want to do things, but their anxiety stops them. We have to consider how frustrating this is for them, not just for us. Also a really nice phrase to remember is that “they are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time.” It is also really important to remember that children with a PDA profile are hypersensitive to things like body language, tone of voice etc and even other people’s moods. So if a child with PDA is picking up that their parent is getting frustrated or angry with them this will only cause them further anxiety. The higher their anxiety is the lower their demand tolerance will be, and vice versa.

PDA is still poorly understood in many schools. What are the biggest misconceptions you encounter?

Loads! Here are some of the ones I hear the most:

"We have worked with a child with PDA before" – assuming that all children with PDA need the same thing.

That the child is choosing to refuse to attend or do work.

That parents are exaggerating how their child behaves out of school as they can present so differently in different settings.

That children cannot mask for 5 or 6 hours a day 5 days a week – they can!!

That autism strategies are helpful for a PDA child – some are completely counterproductive and can make anxiety worse.

What does a truly neurodiversity‑affirming school environment look like in practice?

Treating all children as individuals. Ensuring all children have at least one safe person and one safe space as a minimum. That there will be good days and bad days and that progress is never linear. Also that staff who support neurodivergent children are fully supported as it can be a very challenging role at times. There has to be a whole school approach with consistency amongst staff and also a collaborative approach with parents who are regarded as the experts in their children.

What should parents focus on when gathering evidence for an EHCP needs assessment?

Useful evidence can include:

• Attainment gaps
• Lack of progress despite support
• Frequent exclusions or sanctions
• Reduced timetable
• High levels of distress at school
• School avoidance
• Difficulty participating in lessons, trips, or group activities

Rather than simply stating: "My child has PDA."

Show: "My child cannot follow many of the demands required of them to access their education, requires adult support during transitions, and misses approximately 30% of lesson time due to extreme anxiety and overwhelm."

What are the most common mistakes schools make when writing support plans or behaviour policies for neurodivergent children?

For a child with PDA it can be using too many autism specific strategies and approaches. As I have said before, it is really important to ensure a child centred approach that focuses on individual needs.  Not doing this is like trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. Also focusing on the underlying needs rather than observable behaviour and finding ways to support these rather than fixing the behaviour.

Parents often feel exhausted, judged, or isolated. What advice do you give to families who are at breaking point?

If possible, try and take a break. It’s a cliché but “Put your own oxygen mask on first.” You cannot help your child to stay regulated if you are not regulated yourself. Also, surround yourself with people who get “it” and your child. Avoid those who judge. Remember that you are the expert in your child. 

What changes would you most like to see in the SEND system to better support children with PDA, autism, or anxiety?

Too many! I would like children to get support quicker without such a fight for their parents. I would like teachers to have far more training on neurodiversity. The school system in general is not meeting the needs of so many children as it expects children to all follow the same path – our children are all individuals and we need a better system that celebrates their unique differences and allow them to meet their potential, rather than one which actually penalises and disadvantages them for these.

Summer stats from CEO, Richard Orchard-Rowe

As we start enjoying some sunnier days, we wanted to share an update on everything SOS! Special Educational Needs has been up to this year so far. CEO of the charity, Richard Orchard-Rowe shares this update.

As we move through another busy and impactful year, I want to take a moment to reflect on what we have achieved together and thank everyone who has helped make this possible.

So far this year, we have supported more families than ever before. Our advice centres have welcomed 514 families, an increase of 192 compared with the same period last year. Our helpline team has also seen a significant rise in demand, answering 786 more calls than we did last year. Across all of our services, we have already interacted with 3,863 families, each one seeking support, guidance, and advocacy during what can often be challenging times.

These numbers tell an important story. Behind every call, appointment, and conversation is a child, young person, or family who needed help navigating the education system and accessing the support they deserve. We are proud to stand alongside them and remain committed to ensuring that every child has the opportunity to receive a fair and equitable education.

This year has also seen us continue our campaigning work. We actively supported the Save Our Children's Rights campaign and joined fellow campaigners at the protest in Parliament Square to stand with the SEND community in response to the Government's proposed White Paper. We will continue to raise our voice, challenge inequality, and fight for the rights of children and young people whose needs must not be overlooked.

As we celebrate Volunteers' Week, we also want to recognise the incredible contribution made by our volunteers. Quite simply, we could not achieve what we do without them. Whether supporting families directly, answering calls, helping at events, contributing behind the scenes, or lending their expertise in countless other ways, our volunteers are at the heart of our charity.

To every volunteer who gives their time, energy, skills, and compassion to support our mission: thank you. Your dedication makes a real and lasting difference to the lives of thousands of families every year, and we are enormously grateful for everything you do.

Together, we will continue to champion the rights of children and young people, support families when they need us most, and work towards a future where every child has access to the education and opportunities they deserve.

Educational Psychologist Dr Stephanie Satariano Talks Parental Intuition, the SEND Landscape and Her Own Experience as a Mum of Two

This month SOS!SEN spoke to Dr Stephanie Satariano, a chartered Educational Psychologist (Neuropsychology). Stephanie has a special interest in psychological and neuropsychological assessments of children with a range of neurological and neurodevelopmental problems.

Her Doctoral research was in gifted and talented pupils and how to maximise their educational attainment. Stephanie also has a strong interest in early intervention and working with children in the early years, so as to maximise their development long term. This is through direct work with the children as well as through supporting parents and school.

Stephanie has already supported SOS!SEN as a keynote speaker at their recent team day, so we're very grateful to her for taking the time to answer some of our questions - thank you Stephanie! Check out her LinkedIn here.

You’ve supported families through EHC needs assessments and SEND tribunals. What systemic challenges do you see most often, and what changes would make the biggest difference?

Having personally supported a significant number of families through the often-complex journey of securing appropriate special educational needs (SEN) provision, and having consulted with close professional colleagues, including Educational Psychologists and other SEN specialists, I can attest to the profound difficulty in isolating a single "biggest challenge." The landscape is riddled with obstacles, creating a multi-faceted problem.

However, after years of observation and direct involvement, a core issue consistently emerges: the breakdown of effective communication.

In my view, a significant number of the frustrations, delays, and ultimately, the disputes that escalate to the tribunal level, are rooted in a fundamental lack of meaningful dialogue and relationship-building between Local Authority (LA) professionals and families.

If LA professionals were afforded the necessary time, resources, and institutional support to genuinely invest in building stronger, more collaborative relationships with families and to understand their lived experience, I feel that the entire process would be different. When both parties feel heard, the collaborative creation of an Education, Health, and Care Plan (EHCP) becomes possible—a plan that genuinely meets the young person's needs while remaining within the practical capabilities of the Local Authority to uphold.

Crucially, establishing this communicative and collaborative foundation would dramatically reduce the reliance on the costly, emotionally draining, and time-consuming tribunal process. Preventing escalation is not just a benefit to the family's well-being, but a significant strategic and financial gain for the Local Authority, allowing resources to be redirected from legal battles back into frontline provision. It will also reduce pressure on families, which is ultimately in the young person’s best interest. 

How do you ensure that children’s voices remain central, especially in complex medical or educational cases?

Hearing the young person's voice is often the most challenging aspect of my work. It's a persistent difficulty, as some children, exhausted by meeting numerous professionals, are reluctant to speak to me. I respect this reluctance, viewing their non-engagement as a valid form of communication that speaks to the pressure and strain they are experiencing. Moreover, meeting a new person can be overwhelming, and they just can’t engage. Some young people prefer to email their views at a later time, which can be really helpful.

My general approach in meetings is to keep the focus entirely on the young person. This means no discussion about them while they are present, and never making them wait outside. I maintain full transparency and honesty, assuring them they are in control and do not have to participate in any activity. In the clinic, I work hard to create a comfortable environment, enabling them to relax and "unmask" as much as possible.

To ensure their voice is truly heard, I triangulate information from multiple sources: parents' perspectives, school observations, the views of other professionals, and all relevant documentation.

Parents often worry about whether they’re “overreacting” or “missing something”. What signs suggest it’s time to seek a psychological or neurodevelopmental assessment?

I cannot stress enough the importance of parental intuition. As a parent, you are the world's leading expert on your own child. You have a unique, 24/7 perspective, observing them across countless contexts and environments—at home, with friends, during moments of triumph, and periods of challenge. You see all their different sides, their unique personalities, and the subtle shifts in their behaviour that an external professional might miss.

This deep, intimate knowledge means that if you have an persistent feeling, a persistent whisper of intuition, that something isn't quite right with your child's emotional wellbeing, behaviour, or development, it should not be dismissed. Please, trust that feeling. It is often the most reliable early warning system you have.

Often, the simple act of having an initial conversation with a qualified professional—a child psychologist or psychotherapist—can be profoundly helpful. This conversation provides invaluable clarity. We can help you process what you are seeing, normalise certain experiences, identify underlying factors, and, crucially, help you establish a constructive, tailored action plan. This plan might involve simple home-based strategies, or it may suggest a pathway for further assessment or support. The goal is always to empower you to support your child effectively and collaboratively.

What are the biggest myths you encounter about autism, ADHD, learning difficulties, or neuropsychological conditions?

It is a common, though deeply misleading, sentiment to hear phrases like, "Everyone has something," or "Everyone is a little bit on the spectrum." 

No, everyone is not.

While these statements are often made with the intention of fostering inclusion or minimising the perceived stigma associated with neurodevelopmental differences and mental health challenges, they fundamentally misunderstand and diminish the reality of these conditions.

These are not minor personality quirks or occasional difficulties that everyone experiences. These are real, clinically defined conditions that represent significant, persistent, and often complex difficulties. They are characterised by diagnostic criteria established by medical and psychological professionals, not by fleeting moments of stress or unique personal preferences.

When a young person or family is dealing with a condition like Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), severe anxiety, or other mental health or neurodevelopmental differences, they are contending with challenges that have a significant functional impact on their daily lives. To suggest that "everyone is on the spectrum" or "everyone has a bit of that" is a form of diagnostic dilution. It strips the condition of its gravity and implies that the intense support, therapy, and adjustments families require are merely overreactions to normal life struggles.

Crucially, just because you, as an external observer, do not see the difficulties overtly, it does not mean they are not profoundly present. Many families and young people become adept at "masking" or internalizing their struggles, often at great personal cost, in an attempt to fit in or avoid judgment. Families are not "dramatising" their struggles; they are articulating the need for genuine, often specialist, support for a child who is trying to function in a neurotypical world. Acknowledging the reality and depth of these difficulties is the first step toward providing appropriate, compassionate, and effective intervention.

What role can an Educational Psychologist or Neuropsychologist play in supporting a family through a Tribunal?

In my view, our role extends beyond the immediate, obligatory duties outlined in legislation. While there is the clear, statutory requirement to conduct comprehensive assessments and produce reports that directly inform and dictate the provision of support for a child, this only represents one facet of our work.

I believe an equally, if not more, vital component of our practice lies in the educational and empowering support we provide to parents. It is critical that we focus on really helping parents to achieve a deep and nuanced understanding of what support is truly necessary, why it is required, and, crucially, how to implement it effectively to best support their child's development and well-being.

One of the biggest and most essential roles I feel I play is in preventing the trap of over-provision and therapeutic saturation. There is a common misconception, often driven by anxiety and a desire to "fix" the problem quickly, that more therapies, more intervention, and more structured support automatically leads to better outcomes. In reality, this is frequently counterproductive. Children, particularly those with complex needs, are highly susceptible to burnout. Their cognitive resources are already heavily taxed by navigating a world not always built for them. Therefore, we must advocate for balance. Kids fundamentally need time to just be kids, to relax, to engage in unstructured play, and to pursue their own interests without an agenda or a therapeutic goal attached. This ‘downtime’ is not wasted time; it is essential for consolidating learning, fostering natural social interaction, developing autonomy, and simply allowing their nervous system to regulate. I help parents to embrace a strategic, quality-over-quantity approach, ensuring that the child’s schedule supports their development without sacrificing their childhood or well-being.

What changes would you most like to see in the SEND landscape to make life easier for families?

The most immediate and obvious barrier is securing adequate funding, which impacts the breadth and quality of services available to families.

However, beyond the purely financial constraints, a crucial factor is the quality of understanding and subsequent communication between families and the statutory professionals managing their child's case, particularly their Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) case workers. This relationship is incredibly significant. I have observed a profound difference in a family's overall stress levels and their ability to navigate the complex system when they have established a strong, positive, and communicative working relationship with their assigned SEND case officer. A constructive relationship built on mutual respect and clarity can transform the experience from an adversarial battle into a collaborative partnership focused squarely on the child's needs and best outcomes. This positive dynamic can significantly reduce the emotional burden on parents, leading to more efficient processes and timely support delivery.

Has understanding attachment, behaviour, or emotional regulation professionally changed how you respond to challenging moments as a parent?

Ha! That is a good one. I like to think my professional life and training has given me some kind of parenting superpower, and I truly strive every day to focus on the core principles of my work: building a strong, secure attachment with my boys and consistently supporting their journey toward emotional regulation. I preach about being the 'emotion coach' and the 'secure base,' and I genuinely aim to embody that.

However, I am human. I carry my own emotional baggage, my own unique triggers, and the simple reality of exhaustion and stress. Consequently, I very often find myself falling short. I do not always handle those common, heightened family situations—the meltdowns, the sibling spats, the defiance—with the calm, measured, and perfectly attuned response I know intellectually is best.

It's a running joke I have with myself: I can almost always see my 'psychologist self' standing over me during these moments, looking down with a sharp, judgmental 'tutting' and a palpable shaking of the head, essentially saying, "You know better, Stephanie." In that instant, I am acutely aware that my response was far from the ideal, evidence-based approach I advocate for in my practice.

The critical difference, though, lies in what happens next. While I may not nail the initial reaction, I work incredibly hard on the principle of rupture and repair. I try to return to the situation once everyone is calm, acknowledging my mistake, apologising clearly and genuinely ("I am sorry I shouted; that was my big feeling taking over, and it wasn't fair to you"), and then walking them through how we could have both handled the situation better. This commitment to repair is, in my professional opinion, just as vital for a secure attachment as getting it right the first time. It teaches them that mistakes are inevitable, apologies are powerful, and our relationship is resilient enough to withstand conflict.

Do you ever find it difficult to switch off the psychologist in you and simply be “Mum”? How do you manage that balance?

It's hard to say honestly. Both of my sons are incredibly energetic and experience big emotions. My eldest has ADHD, high-level anxiety, and demand avoidant traits (not diagnosed), and is also a high-masker. My youngest, who is still only five, likely also has ADHD. Because of this, they both require parenting that goes above and beyond what is considered "typical."

While my eldest is quite good at letting me know when he's had enough of the "psychologist stuff" and just doesn't want to engage with or discuss emotions, I find my professional skills have become completely internalised (also my youngest quite enjoys the psychobabble!). I genuinely love analysing and understanding human behaviour, and I don't think I can—or want to—separate my professional and personal ways of thinking.