Carrie and David Grant are BAFTA award-winning broadcasters, vocal coaches, leadership coaches and campaigners.
Married for 36 years, David and Carrie have 4 children together - Olive, Tylan, Arlo and Nathan. Their family dynamics are shaped by the unique challenges and experiences associated with raising children who have special educational needs, including autism and ADHD. As a result, they passionately advocate for issues related to SEN and inclusion. They have openly shared their experiences navigating the complexities of raising neurodivergent children, including the emotional and practical challenges that come with it.
The team here at SOS!SEN were thrilled to work recently with David and Carrie on a video project for the charity (being launched soon!) They kindly gave up their time and were wonderful enough to do so again for this interview, so thank you sincerely to you both.
Find out more about Carrie and David's work, including their book, 'A Very Modern Family', on their website - www.carrieanddavidgrant.co.uk
How has your understanding of neurodiversity evolved over the years as parents of neurodiverse children?
David: Our understanding of neurodiversity (all diversities including neuro-typical) and specifically neurodivergence has evolved massively over the years. Back when our children were first diagnosed there was different terminology, Aspergers, high/low functioning, gendered assessments etc. It makes you realise how far we have come and how much difference parents have made to the changes we now see.
Carrie: Back then there was only negative stuff written about autism, so we discouraged our children from Google-searching “autism” – these days you are far more likely to find positive testimonies. Perhaps we have gone a little too far the other way with the “super-power” narrative but it evens out and I am glad there is so much more to see and read, especially from those with lived experience.
Can you describe some of the biggest challenges you've faced navigating the SEND system within educational settings in the UK?
Carrie: Where do we begin? Untrained school staff, educators feeling intimidated by parent knowledge. Teachers simply not knowing what to do or how to work with our children. The system is not set up for our children and so schools either fail the Government directive or fail our children and in most cases the children lose out.
David: We’ve had children with suicidal ideation and self-harm, school avoidance, violence, permanent exclusion, no school available so children out of school, Local Authority challenges, no access to CAMHs at times, or collaboration between CAMHs and school. We have also had amazing school experiences and when those happen it restores our hope that change will eventually come.
What changes would you like to see in how SEND children and young people are supported in education?
Carrie: Specifically, we need to prioritise different learners. I hate the idea of segregation for our children. There is an erosion of community around us, so we must intentionally press into working together, our children being together or we will create a two-tier system. This will involve great leadership, flexible leadership, compassionate leadership.
David: What irks me is seeing the potential in our neurodivergent children being lost, children being traumatised by school and just trying to survive it rather than learning and being prepared for a life where they can dream big dreams.
Every teacher should have full training on the needs of children. If needs aren’t met, then education is more challenging. Creating compassionate, informed practise makes a huge difference.
Carrie: I would like our children to feel like they belong. The opposite of belonging is not “not belonging” it is “fitting in”. I want our children to show up as themselves in all their neuro-spiciness and feel like they have a loving community around them, who get them, who celebrate them and value them.
What have you learned from other parents with children with SEND?
Carrie: For the past fourteen years we have run a support group in our home with over 300 families. Parents hold so many keys, so gathering community is essential to pass on and to share best practise. We can cry together, laugh together and become educated and informed.
David: We have Mums and Dads in the group but then I started a Dad’s Dinner Group because I think a lot of Dad’s are really struggling to make sense of everything that is happening to their family, perhaps in different ways to the Mums. That group is a real lifeline too.
What role do you think community and peer support play in raising SEND children?
Carrie: I think it is a life-saving attribute to have.
What have been some of the most empowering moments for yourselves and your children within the SEND system—times when as parents you have felt truly understood or supported?
Carrie: When Tylan (24yrs) was in school, I was in constant contact, trying to get them to understand Ty’s needs – I wasn’t asking for much but it was like banging my head against a brick wall. At the age of 16yrs Tylan went to work as an actor on Hollyoaks. All members of the cast and crew were sent on 2 days autism training, which effectively means that a lighting rigger on Hollyoaks has had more autism training than any teacher Ty experienced in his whole school career. Tylan flourished and his life changed because he was seen and understood – it’s not rocket science but there has to be a willingness to learn.
David: When Arlo had been out of school for 3 years (11-14yrs) because there was no school those years were terrible. We were eventually allocated a school and the first day everyone was wearing face masks (2020). Arlo went up to the Head of the school and said, “Am I allowed to have a nose piercing?” The teacher pulled her face mask down, revealing a nose stud and said, “Well if I’ve got one, I don’t see why you can’t have one.” I wanted to hug that teacher. Small things can make a huge difference.
What main piece of advice would you give to parents just starting out with navigating the SEND system in schools?
Both: Join your local Parent Carer Forum, join groups, follow the experts online to see what the latest developments are. Look at the “Local Offer” on your Local Authority website – this shows everything that’s available in your area.
