As awareness grows, more and more celebrities and influencers are speaking out about their experience of having SEND themselves or experience as parents supporting their child with SEND navigate the world. Lauren Frost, AKA the_honest_mum_, an online influencer, is one such parent, often posting about her experiences with no filters and no sugar‑coating, just real life in all its messy, beautiful chaos. With her trademark mix of humour, vulnerability and straight‑talking honesty, she has built a community where parents feel seen, supported and a little less alone.
This month we have been lucky enough to interview Lauren about her journey into understanding neurodiversity, the emotional highs and lows of parenting with a neurospicey child, and the reality of navigating the SEND system. This conversation isn’t about perfection - it’s about a Mum's love, learning on the go and finding strength in shared experience. Thank you Lauren.
How has your own understanding of neurodiversity evolved since becoming a parent?
I was fortunate enough to work in a specialist school prior to having children, and then I worked with children and adults with additional needs in my career, so I felt like I had knowledge but not so much of an understanding. It’s really easy to understand struggles in principle, but when you haven’t slept properly and your child is in a constant state of overwhelm it’s really difficult to regulate your own emotions to be able to regulate someone else’s. So whilst yes, I understand more, I feel like I’m always learning and trying to adapt not only my skills, but also my expectations.
What has your experience been like in securing SEND support in schools? What have the challenges been?
When people told me I’d have to fight for everything I thought I was ready…I was not! We had the local authority saying the school could meet the need whilst the school was crying out that they couldn’t, and my son was sat in a hallway on his own with a TA (Teaching Assistant) as he found the classroom too overwhelming. We’re very lucky that we’re in a specialist school now but the biggest challenge for me was the gaslighting from the local authority. They made me question if I was pushing for the right thing or if I had just decided I wanted it. In one email where they declined (after never meeting him or where teachers said they couldn’t meet need) they emailed me saying, “we know you WANT him to go to a specialist school but that isn’t what we’ve decided he needs’. Again they hadn’t met him even once when sending these emails. I do just want to take a moment to say that we were very fortunate with the school my son went to. They truly valued him as an individual and didn’t put him into situations he wouldn’t be able to handle, the staff fought for him and prioritised his wellbeing over trying to force him to fit into a system where he doesn’t. I know not everyone has that luxury so I do just want to say I’m very grateful for that.
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| Lauren with her son, Teddy. |
How do you manage the emotional highs and lows that come with parenting neurodiverse children, especially when support systems fall short?
I’d love to say to you that I have it all figured out but I really don’t. I find something that works once to support them might not work again. The only way I’ve found that truly helps is to look after myself. By going to the gym and blasting some music I am able to regulate myself to help me be calmer. I also find sharing what is happening helps. If I share a story on Instagram saying something has happened I’ll get a handful of replies that just remind me I’m not alone. Even though it doesn’t physically change the outcome of what’s happening, to know I’m not experiencing it alone is so powerful.
What do you wish more people understood about the realities of raising neurodiverse children?
That it is 24/7. What might seem like an over-reaction over something small is usually an accumulation of something much bigger. It isn’t often the big things that break you, it’s the constant behaviours that are unrelenting. If my son becomes dysregulated he won’t just cry for 5 minutes, it can be 2-3 hours. In that time he will calm and then just ramp back up again to full hysteria. It’s really hard to understand how constant it is if you don’t see it, especially if you have a child like mine who’s allergic to sleep!
What kind of support - online or offline - has made the biggest difference in your parenting journey?
Just talking and feeling less alone. Knowing I’m doing the best I can and that actually, regardless of what the internet would have you believe, the fact you lost your temper because you’re completely overstimulated isn’t going to ruin your child's life. You can only do what you can do with what you have. Just take a breath when you can get your head above the water and remember you’re not alone.
What advice would you give to mums who are just beginning to navigate the SEND system?
Don’t compare yourself to how others carry their load. You are not them and they are not you, and how you are feeling isn’t a reflection of your abilities or love. I personally believe the system is broken and I felt like I had to prove my son wouldn’t fit into the main puzzle before he could be put into a place that could accommodate that his puzzle piece was a different shape. Keep fighting and know that the right placement helps support so many other parts of life like emotional regulation and happiness levels.
If you could change one thing about how society or schools approach neurodiversity, what would it be?
To think about what the system was first created for - to create compliant workers. Then think about the present and future our children will be born into. Why are we still punishing children who cannot sit still? There should be lessons designed in a way where the same skills are learnt through movement and doing rather than textbook learning. I’m not saying school isn’t important because it is, but the fact that children with additional needs have their behaviour corrected 5x more than neurotypical children makes me feel really sad. Sad that we’re affecting not only the wellbeing but the sense of worth these children have at a young age when they can’t conform to how school thinks they should act. I wish the system would split by learning ability and allow children to learn in a way that most suits their needs.
How do you nurture your children’s confidence and self-worth in a world that often misunderstands neurodiversity?
My son currently lacks self-awareness so this isn’t something we actively do. He knows he has autism and that means that his brain just works a bit differently. There are things he is really good at and things he finds harder but that is the same for everyone. The world is constantly evolving and there is so much more understanding now than there was. Often older people struggle with behaviours they are not used to seeing. I wear a sunflower lanyard when we are out that has a card in that says ‘my child has autism’. I feel this is all the explanation people deserve. The lanyard means ‘we may need a bit more time or a bit more space for one reason or another’. I will always try to nurture that we are all different and have different strengths and weaknesses and that is part of the magic of being human!
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| Lauren with her family. |
